Teddy Bear Tears
by zemyx11219
Summary: Matt and Near have just escaped from Wammy's House, an orphanage in England. Matt had to find a safe place for them, who knew he'd take them to where all his pain began. He's staying in his old house with his new boyfriend and now he must try to hide his abused past from the love of his life while his dreams at night tear up his mind. Can he survive reliving the memories?
1. Chapter 1: Beginning Again

Here is a new story for you all! If you don't like any of the themes below (see Warnings), then click the magical button in the corner called a back arrow! **I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT FOR THE STORY AND MY BRAIN! EVERYTHING ELSE GOES TO THEIR RESPECTED OWNERS! This is a very dark story. BE WARNED!**

 **Warnings** : Child Abuse (mental, physical), Self-harm, Drug/Alcohol Use/Abuse, Cussing, Yaoi.

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 _Where do I start in this story...? The beginning. Lets start from what I can remember._

 _My home life sucked. My parents were the worst. They had money, a huge house, lots of things...But they never wanted a kid. I was beaten until I couldn't move and locked in the basement almost daily. Everything they ever said about me is true. I am a failure, I'm useless, worthless, and a waste of time. I'm an idiot and I can't do anything right. Even now, I know it's true. I knew it was true because when I was 4...My father raped me. Honestly, I barely remember why he did it, but I remember every painful second of it. He'd even invite two friends over once, they all took turns raping me or making me do other horrible things. A few times my dad and one of his friends would enter me at the same time, it hurt like a fucking bitch._

 _It took me years, but as I sat in that stone prison of mine I carved what happened, so others could know what happened to their perfect life. I used anything, pieces of rock, wood, I even worked until my fingers bled before, to carve my story into the stone. I'd accepted death and treasured the bliss I felt when I came near by age 5, of course that never happened. I'm still alive today. Everything seemed to be a struggle between me and life, I wished for everything to end but life had a funny way of keeping me alive, never letting me cross too far into the darkness. Do I resent it now, not dying then? I don't think I do._

 _Well...I must ask, does what you just read make me sound insane yet? No? How about this:_

 _When I was 6, I'd hidden a piece of glass in a teddy bear they'd given me. July knew to keep quiet and hold the glass for me. Well one night my father was especially drunk and decided he wanted to beat me up some more...It's safe to say that when he unchained my arm, he got a real shock. I dug the glass into his neck, slicing every vein there I could...And I smiled, laughed even, when his blood sprayed me. I just stood there for a second, smiling as blood poured from his throat. Then of course, like a good little boy, I walked upstairs to my mother...Currently she was passed out on the couch from all the drugs and alcohol she had. I stood there a moment before stabbing her chest once to wake her up. Of course once she was up she tried to grab the glass from me...Stupid mother, her arms were cut deeply and I managed to slice one of her main veins in her neck. Again, I laughed as she bled out, I was happy even though I'd just killed two people. But the happiness didn't last long. I left, too afraid to stay in the house. I didn't have money so I knew I had to steal or die._

 _For 3 years, until I met Watari and he took me to Wammy's, I did anything and everything to get food and money. I stole, murdered, broke into places...Anything you can think of, I probably did it to survive, I even sold my body for food or money, what better way to get money near Las Vegas than become a child prositute? Well, once in Wammy's I was so...Traumatized, mentally unstable, that I was kept isolated for three months. Once I showed good signs of improvement, I was given a roommate. Might I say a_ really _feminine boy. He said his name was Mello, a girly name to go with a girly boy I would've said. Well that boy became my best friend pretty fast. He was my first love, the only one I ever wanted to protect. I'd always hated the sheep, Near, at first...He was always beating Mello in everything, and every time Mello would get angry. But over time, I realized I had it backwards. Mello became abusive to me. I stood up for the sheep and I learned how much that albino boy meant to me. I could see the innocence in him I once had, I wanted to preserve that innocence. Of course now everything seems fine, we've escaped. But we've escaped into my own personal hell. Even with such a positive boy besides me, I can't help but feel the demons breathing down my back. Near tells me everyday how lucky he is to have me. But it's me who is lucky...He is my boyfriend, my soulmate. I love him more than anything. I know he loves me...But I still want to die. I'd take a bullet for a stranger if I knew it would kill me. I still cut, even when he tries to get me to stop...If he knew how much I wanted to die, would he kill me or try to tell me I'll be fine and that he loves me? Would... the little albino ever leave me because I'm broken? I don't think so...But then again will you even think twice about reading this story now?_

 _I am Mail Jeevas, Matt. I ranked 3rd in Wammy's House. And even now, I know I was never suppose to be born._

Matt closed the cover to the note book as a pale boy snaked his arms around him. He wouldn't let Near know just yet about this...It was a therapy trick Watari used to help Matt keep his anxiety down. Matt is supposed to log his dreams or any events he feels he is becoming anxious over. It was supposed to calm him down. He didn't know if it would work, but after he'd spent time with his boyfriend he'd come back and write about the dream he'd had. He stood and turned to the smaller boy. "What do you want to do? I'm all yours."

The boy smilled. "Lets go outside for a while? There's a weeping willow out back, I can sit under there and not get sunburned too bad." The redhead knew the tree Near was referring to. He'd watched as his father buried the teddy bears that were 'killed' in Mail's place. He hated that tree...But for Near he'd walk through hell and back before he admitted it.

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This should have been the first chapter I posted (I posted Chapter 2 first) but I fixed it! I hope you enjoy. I found this and thought it was amazing to start off the story. read on to learn about his past and how the boy deals with his newfound problems! This has been on the back burner of my mind for a while. I guess I'll just post a chapter or two and see how it's accepted before I decide to continue or leave it unfinished. Please review and let me know what you think. I'd appreciate the feedback, even if its telling me this is the stupidest idea I've ever had.


	2. Chapter 2: Wake me When September Ends

Here is a new story for you all! If you don't like any of the themes below (see Warnings), then click the magical button in the corner called a back arrow! **I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT FOR THE STORY AND MY BRAIN! EVERYTHING ELSE GOES TO THEIR RESPECTED OWNERS! This is a very dark story. BE WARNED!**

 **Warnings** : Child Abuse (mental, physical), Self-harm, Drug/Alcohol Use/Abuse, Cussing, Yaoi.

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 **September, 1994**

 _The door slammed and the sound of the deadbolt locking echoed through the basement, a young red haired boy was left chained in the cold dark basement. It was impossible for him to move without the pain flaring in his sides and legs, yet he felt blindly around the floor until he found the small bear he loved. Against all resistance, he hugged the bear tightly to his chest and pulled his knees along. He wanted to cry out loudly from the pain, but he didn't want to be punished again for being weak._

 _"September...You saw what happened...right? I-I know they...D-don't mean to hit me..." He whispered quietly to the bear, tears beginning to fall silently. "T-they love me...I-I'm just being bad..." The boy grew quieter with each word as he fell asleep, exhaustion from the pain and abuse claiming his mind even thought the dropping temperatures outside tried to keep him awake._

 _He was woken, though, by his name being shouted from the top of the stairs. "MAIL! For God's sake, wake the hell up and get in here! Sara is visiting!" His father shouted at him._

 _Mail sat up straight and wiped his face, "I...Have been a good boy...? I-I'm still chained, father."_

 _His father came down the stairs and flicked the lights on, glaring at Mail. "You're filthy! Were it up to me, you'd stay down here forever!" He unchained Mail's wrist and grabbed him by his hair before dragging him up the stairs. He threw him to the floor of the hall and looked at his wife, "Anne, go help it get a bath and hide the bruises."_

 _She smiled and yanked Mail up off the floor, "Of course, Todd. I'll make our 'precious' little Mail look normal." She drug him into the bath and sat him on the edge of the tub. She reached past him to turn on the water, as hot as possible of course._

 _"M-mommy...? H-have I been good? To be allowed to p-play with aunt Sara and uncle John?" He smiled, his aunt and uncle were always so nice to him, they had brought him August...He missed August..._

 _The woman only glared at him. "Shut up. You will sit there and be quiet. You won't ask for anything or move at all, Mail. They don't care about you any more than I do." She stood in the doorway. "Well? Are you planning on sitting there all day or are you going to give me your rags and let me wash them? God I'm starting to think you would enjoy sitting in those filthy things for company."_

 _Mail stood instantly and removed the filthy clothes he'd been wearing since August was beheaded for him. He didn't blame his aunt and uncle for anything that happened, though receiving the bears from them seemed to make it worse. Anne took the filth and walked out, leaving Mail standing in the bathroom by himself. He thought back to his birthday, when he turned 4._

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 _ **February** **1, 1994**_

 _"Aunt Sara! Uncle John!" The four year old boy ran out to greet his family. He'd been cleaned up and his bruises hidden for this day. He knew it was his birthday. He knew that Sara and John would come bringing a gift for him, even though his parents would get him nothing but a beating after the pair that now held him had left. Sara walked in and sat Mail on his feet, holding his hand as she greeted her sister and then Todd. The small boy tugged on her hand. "Come play with me, please!"_

 _She laughed as she walked into the living room where the toys that Todd and Anne only put out for company sat for Mail to play with. He knew better than to tell anyone that this was only time he got to play with them, he knew better than tell someone about his abuse. John sat in the kitchen with Anne and Todd, his eyes downcast. Mail remembers hearing him talking to his parents and how he'd asked Sara what he was talking about. she looked at him sadly and hugged him tight. "You almost had a cousin to play with...I can't have kids of my own anymore, god what I would do to be able to take you away...You are so lively, I was hoping to have a little boy like you." She smiled. "I'll visit you more often, I promise." Even though she could prove nothing, she could see in Mail's eyes held a darkness that no one would be able to decipher._

 _The day passed too quickly for Mail. He had gotten a new bear which he would call September, though he wouldn't name it until his beatings got worse. As Sara and John packed up to go, Mail hugged his aunt's leg. "Take me with you! Let me spend the night!" though less forceful than normal, his father pulled him off and his mother yanked him up into her arms. He began to cry, "I'll miss you!"_

 _Sara smiled and John led her away. as the door closed Mail was dropped into a heap on the floor. He tried to stand and run, but he was pulled up by his father. "What were you thinking?! HOW **DARE** YOU ASK TO BE TAKEN AWAY! You ungrateful little...We give you everything and this is how you try to repay us?!" He was being shaken with each question. His father dropped him, laughing as the boy hit his head on the wooden floor._

 _Mail could barely sit up before his mother kicked his head and sent his head slamming into the wood once more. "Dear me, Todd, it seems like our little boy has fallen down some stairs again. Maybe we should take him to the doctor and check for a concussion?" She laughed and hugged her husband, the man kissing her head as he lead her away from the crumpled boy on the floor._

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 _As Mail waited for his mother's return, he turned to lean over the tub and stick his hand into the water. He was so mesmerized by the dried blood beginning to wash off his hand that he didn't even hear his mother return. Anne just grinned deviously and shoved his head into the steaming water, a firm hand on the base of his neck. the young child couldn't struggle much and tried not to inhale much water. When Anne finally threw Mail back from the edge of the tub, the impact caused him to cough up some of the water he had inhaled. she glared at him. "I wish you had never been born Mail! You ruined my life!"_

 _The rest of that day had went on pretty much uneventful. Sara visited, John had stayed home to work. She was really excited to tell Mail that if his parents would let him, he could join her and John for a trip upstate to a cabin in a patch of forest. Of course he never went with them, the beatings got worse as the month went on. At the end of the month, when Todd had a little too much to drink and Anne had come to her senses while high off of some painkillers, September was taken from Mail. The only friend he had in his prison in the basement was torn apart with a chainsaw to save his life, at request of his mother._

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Matt sat up straight in bed. He'd been having dreams like this since he'd moved back into his old house with Near. This was the first time he remembered one of his bears though...He wondered what it meant as he stood up slowly and wandered out into the living room. He sat down and stared off into space thinking about all he'd been through. Who was he kidding coming back here, what would this prove? This would be his down fall.

Pale arms slid around his neck and down his chest. he jumped slightly at the voice in his ear. "Matt? Come back to bed...its late...early? Either way...I don't want to be alone." The albino boy stepped around to the front of the chair so Matt could pull him to sit on his lap. "What are you doing up so early? Did you have another bad dream? Was it about Mello this time?"

The redhead shook his head. "It was about my past in this house, Near, the abuse I went through here. Please don't worry much, I was just stressed out with the recent runaway and all..." He kissed the boys head, standing slowly with him cuddled into his chest. "Ready to go back to bed?"

Near only chuckled and nodded, his eyes slipping closed. "Very much so, Matt. We can talk in the morning about your dream, I want to learn more about you..." The pair headed back to bed, Near being able to sleep easily, Matt having a harder time. Every time he closed his eyes he saw his deranged father with a chainsaw leering over at him as he destroyed the most precious thing to Mail at the time. How would he ever tell Near this..?

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Well...This has been on the back burner of my mind for a while. I guess I'll just post a chapter or two and see how it's accepted before I decide to continue or leave it unfinished. Please review and let me know what you think. I'd appreciate the feedback, even if its telling me this is the stupidest idea I've ever had.


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